How do you convince today's self-possessed and confident teen, who has grown up with the Internet, that they don't know everything about technology? It is a monumental task, but one well worth taking on if you are concerned about how your teen is putting themselves out there in permanent cyber space.
Let's face it; most of us may never be in a position of knowing more about technology than those who grew up with the Internet and its devices intricately woven into their lives. However, as parents, we are in a position to impart life lessons such as good judgment, reason, empathy and most important, consequences. This position can be fleeting so the sooner you can start and the more consistently you communicate the most impact it can have.
When it comes to the Internet most teens, and for that matter most adults, may not fully comprehend the concept of permanence. Anything posted online will never truly be erased and can come back to haunt you down the road. Deleting an image or a comment is not an indication that someone hasn't already viewed or copied that image or comment. Being unable to erase a mistake can put the future of today's naive youth in jeopardy. That is particularly so when many colleges and prospective employers frequently research potential candidates on the Internet.
Find any opportunity to remind your teen that everything they post may have an unwanted consequence. Maybe not today, but at some point when it might matter to their future. It may be difficult for many teens to think in terms of their future when it comes to actions they want to take today. But even now, let them consider, is what they are about to post something they would be proud to have a grandparent see?
In 2007 The Ad Council in partnership with the U.S. Department of Justice and National Center for Missing & Exploited Children developed some very powerful public service announcements geared to helping teens understand the power of permanence on the Internet. View one of these still very relevant videos below with someone you think that can benefit from the message.
Cyberbullying, once considered a mere sub sect of the broader youth issue of "bullying," has now evolved into the primary method teens today choose to harass and torment each other. With the meteoric rise of social networks it has become easier and easier for teens to put out disparaging or hurtful comments to larger and larger audiences.
We learned from an early age that bullies can be abusive physically or emotionally, and that they often encourage peers to act the same way towards their intended victim. The social tools of the Internet that appeal most to teens (e.g., the ability to communicate to a lot of people at once, share pictures and videos easily, or pretend to be a different personality or identity) are the tools teens use to easily and effectively humiliate others. And the potential anonymity of it all can make it difficult for parents and teens to identify and report an online bully.
How has bullying evolved?
Before Internet(or "BI"): A bully was restricted by physical location and time. They had to be pretty much standing in front of their target to deliver their verbal or physical attack. This made identifying the attacker easy. And once the victim walked away, the bullying ended.
Now: A bully can be anyone, anywhere at anytime. The Internet never sleeps. And an insulting or abusive message, once put out there, can persist forever and be seen by countless people. Plus, the Internet can be so anonymous that it may never be possible to identify an attacker, making it very difficult to stop. Finally, the bullying can continue even when the victim is safe at home. The content of the abuse follows the victim wherever they go, and can leave the teen feeling helpless.
Tools & Methods of the Cyberbully
Cyberbullying can happen in many ways. These are just some examples:
-Sending mean text, e-mail, or instant messages
-Posting nasty pictures or messages about others in blogs or on Web sites
-Using someone else's user name to spread rumors or lies about someone
-Sending repeated notes
-Forwarding supposedly private messages, pictures or videos to others
Teach your kids how to deal with a cyberbully
Tips to avoid being a cyberbullying victim:
-Don't give out personal information like name, address, phone number, social security number, school or even the names of family and friends. Certainly don't give out your password.
-Don't exchange pictures or give out contact information (including email) to people you meet online.
-Don't send a message when you are angry or upset. Once you put something out on the Internet you can't take it back. EVER.
-Realize that anything you say or do online is never really private. If even one person can see or read it then it can be copied, saved or shared -- even if you try to remove it later.
Detecting cyberbullying and if your child is a victim:
Watch for signs that your child is being bullied online. Are they reluctant to use the computer or go to school?
-Depending on how your child is being bullied, report any incidents of harassment to your ISP or cell phone provider.
-Block the harassing email or IM via parental controls or privacy tools provided by your ISP.
-Do not reply to harassing messages.
-If bullying includes physical threats, report it to the police.
The Fat Boy Chronicles tells the story of Jimmy Winterpock, the subject of brutal high school bullying who overcomes the torment by finding the strength to focus on his goal to lose weight and win over the girl of his dreams. The story is based on the novel by Diane Lang and Michael Buchanan. The film brings real world issues that affect teenagers to an audience looking for answers.
In addition to the inspirational story for the whole family, The Fat Boy Chronicles is also an ideal occasion to discuss with your teen the topic of bullying. The film progresses in such wonderful teaching moments that parents will easily find opportunities to have enlightening conversations with their teen without seeming as if to lecture.
The newly released DVD is filled with special features including audio commentary with the director and authors of the novels, cast interviews and bullying prevention information from the International Bullying Prevention Association.
School is almost out and summer break is just around the corner. Do you know what your kids will be doing this summer? How will they be spending their spare free time for the next sixty or so days? Whatever you may or may not have lined up in terms of activities for your children, one thing is certain for most kids - free time offline means more time spent online.
This year add a new tradition to your usual end school year routine, along with graduation parties, summer camp registration and vacation preparations. Before this summer begins, talk to your children about staying safe online. A safety conversation is probably the last thing your kids want to have before they are set free for the lazy days summer, but it's important and it won't take long. Pick a day and put it on the calendar so you both stay committed. As a matter of fact, make it a complete safety briefing covering all their summer activities.
SafetyClicks strives to bring our readers as much information and points of view as possible so that you can determine the best approach to Internet safety for your family. In that effort, we will from time to time invite guest bloggers to share their points of view with you in addition to the information we bring you. In return, we are offered that same opportunity and are privileged to be able to share our input on safety topics on some of our friends of SafetyClicks blogs. See NetSmartz.org for a post I recently contributed regarding Parents taking a Facebook course.
Richard A. Smith provides some great insight in The Huffington Post about Social Networks and what they mean to us today. Here is just one of his interesting observations as to why being a part of a social network is so beneficial.
For the first time in human history, technology enabled social media allow us to exponentially expand our network of weak ties, potentially into the thousands over a lifetime. In so doing, these tools dramatically increase the flow of knowledge and opportunity available to each of us.
A recent market research group conducted a Kids & Digital Content study that revealed kids are downloading and playing games as much as ever.
"Although the most dramatic increase in usage of these devices happens at about age 9, playing games appears to be an activity that first engages young kids with the digital world," commented NPD analyst Anita Frazier. "Our study finds that 82 percent of kids ages 2 to 5 play games on one or more of the devices surveyed."
Parents often ask me what the right age is to begin discussing online safety and how to navigate the dangers of online safety with their children. My response is usually, "As soon as they get online."
What and when you engage your child on specific net safety topics depends on who they are and what they are doing online. As we've said often on this blog, each child is different, and as parents we have to consider those differences when we determine what our kids are ready for. The more they do online, the more guidance and rules they will need. However, make no mistake, the rules, whatever rules you choose to start with, should be in place before they even get their first mouse clicked. Whether your kids are 6 or 16 the first time they venture online, they should have some fundamentals in place.
We have all heard about the unfortunate trend of cyberbullying. We have listened to the news stories, we have read the articles and we know it is out there. However, we don't want to think that it is in our own homes. We so want to believe that cyberbullying is something that involves other people's children, and not our own. It is unimaginable that our child could be one of those bullies or worse yet, be the one getting bullied. But it happens, and it could be happening to your child.
The first step is to recognize that there might be a bullying situation taking place. The signs that a child is being bullied online are pretty much the same as those that you would notice if he or she was being bullied offline. If your child falls into some of the behavior patterns below, consider the possibility that they are involved in a cyberbullying situation.
* having trouble sleeping * feeling depressed * mood swings * feeling unwell * becoming anti-social and losing friends * falling behind in homework * spending a lot of time online
Recently Virginia Attorney General Bob McDonnell paid us a visit here at AOL and we got a chance to chat with him about online safety. You don't have to be on the topic long before you realize how important General McDonnell considers educating families about online safety. He did not hesitate when we asked if he would blog on the subject for our SafetyClicks parents.
Working Together Fosters A Safer Online Environment
Reach out to your local elected official to see if your state provides Internet safety training in the classroom. By listening to parents, government can institute sound and effective policies to foster a safer online environment. Our goal is to stop child endangerment on every front. With regard to the Internet, we have learned that a little knowledge can go a long way.
In just a few short years, the Internet has brought about remarkable advances and fundamentally changed how information is disseminated. Today, we have unprecedented access to valuable data and the ability to communicate with people around the globe instantly.
With the click of a mouse, our children can access the complete works of Shakespeare, the latest scientific journals and ancient religious texts. They have an entrée into far off communities and, at the same time, better insight into their own state and local government. The potential is wonderful.
As society's virtues have found a home on the Internet, so too have some very disturbing evils. The inherent openness and anonymity of the Internet have provided a hiding place for child predators, con artists and identity thieves.
Refreshing ourselves with some tips and tricks on how to keep our passwords safe has never seemed more timely in light of recent news that one of our Vice Presidential candidates, Sarah Palin, recently had her email hacked. How was this possible? While we may not be able to go back and change what happened to Sarah Palin, we hope that we can give you some information that will prevent anything like that from happening to you.
Our very good friend at AOL, Consumer Advocate and fellow blogger, Regina Lewis, has written up some very effective ways to protect your password. Regina offers very practical and easy to do tips that will no doubt help increase the security of your passwords.
The following seven tips for teens are brought to you by our good friends at ConnectSafely.org. I recommend sending this post to your child via e-mail and then following up with a conversation. You may even want to print it out to stick to the refrigerator:
Be your own person. Don't let friends or strangers pressure you to be someone you aren't. And know your limits. You may be Net-savvy, but people and relationships change, and unexpected stuff can happen on the Internet.
Be nice online. Or at least treat people the way you'd want to be treated. People who are nasty and aggressive online are at greater risk of being bullied or harassed themselves. It's a vicious cycle you really don't want to get into.
Think about what you post. Sharing provocative photos or intimate details online, even in private emails, can cause you problems later on. Even people you consider friends can use this info against you, especially if they become ex-friends.
There is only so much you can control in life. This is especially true when you have young children that grow into curious tweens and (inevitably!) willful teens. The older our little ones get, the less say we as parents seem permitted. On the one hand you want to support their independence, on the other you wish they remained inside a safe little bubble where you controlled what they did. Since the "bubble" approach to parenting is obviously no good, the best we can do is make sure we equip our children with good information and the confidence to use good judgment.
Being armed with the combination of good information and good judgment is particularly important when you allow your child to be online. Talking to your kids regularly about how to be safe goes a long way. Even if you think they aren't listening, some or all of what you tell them is bound to sink in. So the more you can make the topic of keeping safe online a part of your day-to-day conversations, the more you provide your child the building blocks for a fun, enriching and safe online experience.
Although it is up to each parent to develop the rules that best apply to your child, there are some fundamental household rules that every parent should think about including.
? Keep the computer in a central location in the home instead of a child's bedroom.
? Anything that makes a child feel uncomfortable should be shared with a parent.
? Do not believe everything you read on the Internet.
? Children cannot meet people they meet online without a parent.
? Do not share passwords with anyone, including friends.
School is almost out and summer break is just around the corner. Do you know what your kids will be doing this summer? How will they be spending their spare free time for the next sixty or so days? Whatever you may or may not have lined up in terms of activities for your children, one thing is certain for most kids - free time offline means more time spent online.
There is only so much you can control in life. This is especially true when you have young children that grow into curious tweens and (inevitably!) willful teens. The older our little ones get, the less say we as parents seem permitted. On the one hand you want to support their independence, on the other you wish they remained inside a safe little bubble where you controlled what they did. Since the "bubble" approach to parenting is obviously no good, the best we can do is make sure we equip our children with good information and the confidence to use good judgment.
