After watching MTV's "When Privates Go Public", I was reminded of my own high school career. I didn't have the technology that is currently available, but I saw myself in the students that were featured. The girl was naive and thought her boyfriend would never betray her trust. I was reminded how my trust was betrayed by my first love. The second student was frustrated and did something without thinking. I was reminded that I am really glad that there isn't documentation of things I did without thinking when I was a teen. As I listened to their stories, I was touched not by their story as much as how easy it is happening to youth who you would never expect.

The two stories featured were a young girl who sent a topless picture of herself and a boy who forwarded a picture of his girlfriend from his cell phone. She ended up having her picture sent to everyone in not only her school, but other schools as well. He was convicted as a sex offender and is facing those consequences (including not being able to get a job or even live with his father because of the proximity to a school). Neither person was anyone I would think would even think of doing anything like this. Both described that 'they didn't think' anything bad would happen and certainly would never have done it had they thought about consequences. I could see myself in both of these young people.

The entire episode is available online. I re-encourage you to watch it with young people in your life. It is an important topic that might lead to helping them think about consequences.

Once you watch it, post your thoughts about the documentary in the comments. Do you see yourself, or your kids, in those featured?

We've been told that 3 in 10 teens have been involved in some type of naked texting. Of those, one in five report that they have passed the images along to someone else. Since these young people are primarily defined as minors, this makes a hot story for all kinds of venues.

In the last few months the topic of sexting seems like it is everywhere. We talk about it here on SafetyClicks a lot, but the same concerns we discuss are in the main stream as well. A recent episode of The Deep End, a new ABC show about a law firm, one of the clients was a teen facing charges distribution of child pornography for a picture taken of his girlfriend. The teen being charged with child pornography for sending a nude picture of their girl/boyfriend is not all that uncommon since the laws are not prepared for this kind of behavior.

If you want to watch the episode of 'The Deep End', you can watch the full episode online. On the show everything works out thanks to the savvy lawyers - do you think you would have the same luck?

What do you think about the topic of sexting showing up so much in pop culture?

You may know YouTube as the place you saw that funny video. Maybe you watch and share family movies uploaded to the site. But maybe you are like Cecilia King of the Washington Post who was watching "Dora the Explorer" videos with her daughter when she came across "Dora on Crack".

YouTube is a great tool to share videos of your own and to watch the latest viral videos making their way through office buildings across the country. The challenge is that sometimes there are videos that are NSFW (not safe for work).

Thankfully, YouTube recognizes that not all videos are appropriate for all ages and came up with a Safety Mode. Similar to AOL Safe Search (YouTube filtering videos, while AOL Search filters search results), when it is in use it will not surface videos that are not appropriate for either viewing at work or viewing by younger users. Safety Mode can be set each time you go to the site, or can be permanently set if you login to your account. Kudos to YouTube for making our family viewing (and office viewing) that much safer.

What other safety tools do you know of?

CommonSenseMedia.org put together a great list of parenting tips for cyberbullying that I want to share.

• -- Give them a code of conduct. Tell them that if they wouldn't say something to someone's face, they shouldn't text it, IM it, or post it.
• -- Ask your kids if they know someone who has been cyberbullied. Sometimes they will open up about others' pain before admitting their own.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

• -- Keep online socializing to a minimum. Let them use sites like Webkinz or Club Penguin where chat is pre-scripted or pre-screened.
• -- Explain the basics of correct cyber behavior. Tell your kids that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace.
• -- Tell kids not to share passwords with their friends.

Parent tips for middle school kids

• -- Monitor their use. See what they're posting, check their mobile messages.
• -- Tell your kids what to do if they're harassed. They shouldn't respond or retaliate, they should block bullies immediately, and they should tell you or an adult they trust. They shouldn't delete the messages because in persistent cases, the content should be reported to a cell or Internet Service Provider.
• -- If your kid is doing the bullying, establish strict consequences and stick to them. That goes for mean or sexual comments about teachers, friends, and relatives.
• -- Remind them that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends' walls, private IMs, intimate photos, little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around. If they don't want the world to see it, they better not post or send it.
• -- Don't start what you don't want to finish. Game chat can get ugly fast. Make sure your kids are respectful because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.

Parent tips for high school kids

• -- Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else.
• -- Remind them they aren't too old to ask for your help. There are things some kids can handle on their own, but sometimes, they just need help. Coming to their parents isn't baby-ish, it's safe.

All the advice I think is great, but I especially like the tips for older teens. When I was in high school (aka, the age that I "knew everything"), I may have hesitant to ask my parents advice. Being reminded by my parents that it was still OK to ask advice helped me.

What other advice would you give to parents regarding cyberbullying?

I love the Internet. I really do. It allows me to communicate with my friends and family around the world. It lets me instantly share pictures and videos of my daughter with her grand parents. It is also pretty great that the Internet provides me with a career. Even though I think the Internet is a great place, I am not foolish enough to think it is 100% perfect.

How to keep our families safe while using technology is just one of the challenges . Enough.org has some shocking statistics on their web site. This is just a small sampling:

- Every second, $3,075.64 is spent on pornography
- 79% of youth unwanted exposure to pornography occurs in the home
- Child pornography has become a $3 billion annual industry
- 20 percent of teens have engaged in cyberbullying behaviors, including posting mean or hurtful information or embarrassing pictures, spreading rumors, publicizing private communications, sending anonymous e-mails or cyberpranking someone.
- 14 percent 7th-9th grade students reported that they had communicated with someone online about sexual things
- 30 percent of teenage girls polled by the Girl Scout Research Institute said they had been sexually harassed in a chat room. Only 7 percent, however, told their mothers or fathers about the harassment because they were worried that their parents would ban them from going online"

Enough Is Enough has developed a program called Internet Safety 101. Holly Hawkins, the Director of Consumer Policy & Child Safety (and one of our very own bloggers ) calls the program "a truly unique teaching series designed to bring Internet safety education into the busy lives of parents and other caregivers." She has witnessed how this program has really empowered parents and teachers regarding online safety.

I am not sure it is ever going to be possible to make the Internet 100% safe for all members of the family - but I do think that through education and empowerment, we can make it a safer place for everyone.

"Kids will be kids."

"That's outrageous!"

"My child wouldn't do that"

These are things people say about the youth in America. The first is what people say when someone takes something small and makes a huge deal about it. The second is what people say when they hear of a teen doing something that they never thought would happen. The third is what parents might say when they are asked if their teen has ever done anything they wouldn't approve of.

We've been writing about Sexting for a while. As an attempt to stop it, some have been very heavy handed with penalties for sexting including being charged for trading child pornography. Some don't see it as that big of a deal.

As a part of MTV's 'A Thin Line' campaign to stop digital abuse, they are showing a documentary called "Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public". In their research, they site that 3 out of 10 young people have either sent or received nude "sext" messages and only 51% of them believe that their digital actions could come back to haunt them later.

It is being aired on MTV this Sunday. When I checked my local listings it is being shown again a few more times this week. I think it would be a great thing to watch the young people in your life. Do you think you will watch this?

The scene: A teen is working away on the family computer. The teen takes a little break to check her social networking site and finds something horrifying. A girl she had a fight with at school has gone on her profile and said some really mean things. The teen feels very bad and asks her parents' advice. What do you say?

All of the online safety experts have the same advice about how to keep our families safe online. There are a few variations, but the basics are always the same: Keep your personal information private, block people who aren't nice and don't open unknown files, and finally, report anything that upsets you.

It is not always easy for parents and teachers to clearly express these messages to kids and teens, especially when you either are upset. Click Clever Click Safe, from the UK Council for Child Internet Safety, has come up with a clear message we can all follow.


Zip It: Keep your personal stuff private and think about what you say and do online.
Block It: Block people who send you nasty messages and don't open unknown links and attachments.
Flag It: Report anything upsets you or if someone asks to meet you offline.

If you can remember to Zip It, Block It, Flag It, you can advise your teen to report the behavior to the provider, block the person who said the mean things. As a bonus, this takes only a matter of seconds and you have empowered your teen to stand up for herself without retaliating with more hurtful words.

Hopefully your teen will never encounter this type of harassment. But it is a good idea to talk to the kids and teens in your house. If they are old enough to go online, they should learn these simple things to help keep their time online enjoyable. What ways would you suggest to open the conversation with your kids and teens about online safety?

For Safer Internet Day, Canada is marking the occasion with a campaign by The Canadian Centre for Child Protection called The Door That's Not Locked.

One of the disconnects between kids and adults is that kids are being raised with the technology, so it is simply part of their world. Many adults have begun to use technology regularly, but in many cases there is a definitive line between online and offline. The youth are flowing easily between on and offline and in many ways, there is no difference. They are just two sides of the same coin.

The Door That's Not Locked campaign addresses the incorrect perception of some adults that the door is closed to knowing how to protect their kids because they need to know more about the tool than their kids to keep them safe. This comprehensive site is designed to educate teachers and parents with age specific tips and information, regardless of where the starting point is.

Do you feel like you know how to protect your kids and teens online?

February 9, 2010 is Safer Internet Day. To mark the occasion, countries around the world are holding a variety of events to raise awareness about how to keep kids safer while online.

The issues of one country rarely match the issues of another as closely as they do regarding children's online safety. Regardless of where you live, the desire of parents to keep kids safe online are only matched by the desire of the kids and teens to be independent and free to use the Web without hassle.

In the U.K., Safer Internet Day is being marked with an awareness campaign, "Think B4 U Post". As a part of the campaign, they have several suggested activities that translate into any nation, any area, any neighborhood. Here are a few more.



- Tell the young people you know about why they should think before they post anything online. Then have them tell two friends. Repeat.
- Host a parent's get together about online safety. There are a lot of resources available on this blog and on saferinternet.org that can help get you started. Training someone else is a great way to learn yourself.
- Help your kids make a video about "Think B4 U Post" using their own examples.
- Encourage local stores that sell technology to highlight safety features on the things they sell, no matter who the customer is.

What are some other ways you can commemorate this day?

I remember when Adam Walsh was abducted. I felt the fear of all the parents around me and it really made an impression. What made an even bigger impression on me is how his father, John Walsh, reacted. He took every parent's worst fear and turned it into an organization to help all the parents whose worst fears have been realized. He paved the path to legislative changes to help missing children and his non-profit merged with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, where he is still on the board of directors.

While the Walsh family has my highest respect, the worst part about his story is that the services are needed. I hope that you will never have a need for these services. If I am wishing for things, I would wish that there was not a need for their services. Since there is a need – I am proud that AOL has been partnering with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in many ways for more than 10 years.

Two services available on AOL that can help locate missing kids are:

Alerts: You can sign up to be alerted when an AMBER Alert is sent in the zip code of your choosing. These alerts notify you of a missing child in the area, so you can watch for them. As you know, the missing piece of information can come from anywhere. Alerts can come via e-mail, text message to your cell phone or via Instant Message.

Updated Notifications: You can include a widget for local missing children in your area by going to your local MapQuest page. If you can provide any information about any missing child, you can call the toll-free number 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678).

The National Center's web site is full of information about protecting kids. I encourage you to check it out.

If you are anything like me, you are still wondering what that great gift will be for SOMEONE on your list. For me, it is my nephews and niece. I try to continue my title as "cool Aunt Francis" because they are the ONLY people who think I am cool - can't ruin it now.

I want to get them a great game for their gaming system, but have to make sure that I keep my sister in mind when picking out the coolest game ever... it has to be fun for the young teen and appropriate for the 8-year-old. I have looked at reviews, asked other parents, but when I finally made my choice, I checked two sites. The first was ESRB.org. This site has all the games listed, the ratings and why it was rated that way. The second site I check is www.CommonSenseMedia.org. This site gives parental reviews of each game (as well as movies and TV) . regardless of the rating given by ESRB. It shares what parents think it should be rated and also gives parental reviews.

I picked out my game for the kiddos. I have my fingers crossed that I wills till be "Cool Aunt Francis". At least I know I won't be "bad sister Francis".

I think there are two main reasons why teens are secretive about what they do online. First, teens need a sense of privacy.

This is no truer now than it was when I was a teen. Second, there is a fear of losing access to the Internet if you "catch" something online that you think is "bad" (whether they did the "bad" thing or not).

We know that kids pick on kids, this is not new. It is not acceptable, but it isn't new. The difference between now and when I was a teen, is that the harassment continues in your living room via the computer, instead of only in person. I think this makes it harder on the person being picked on because they can be attacked in their home – where they should feel safe. If teens think that you (the parent) will solve the problem by taking away access to the computer, they might be less likely to tell you.

If you think your child might be getting cyberbullied, here are some tips on helping:

• Tell them that you will not punish them for being bullied (including taking away access to the computer)
• Listen to what your child is telling you without judgment and with your full support.
• Give advice on how to handle it (everything from reporting the behavior to the online provider, to blocking further online communications from the bully, to reporting anything really serious to the police)
• Get additional support from a school councilor or law enforcement if needed.

Above and beyond, we know you love your child. Teach them they can stand up for themselves and shouldn't be harassed online, or off.

What tips do you have for a parent of a teen being cyberbullied?

A common question parents with kids who are just gaining interest in going online is HOW to parent an online child. The answer really is simple. You parent your child online, the same way you do offline. You help them learn the new tool (the computer and Internet), use tools to protect them (parental controls from your computer or other free software), and work with them and monitor them as they learn.

Here are a few good web sites to start for kids who are probably just asking about getting online. Your child may already know a few that he/she wants to see:

- KOL - Yep, this is the AOL site for kids. It has celeb news, games, sports and style information. You can also sign your child up for an email address that is designed for kids. Because it is an AOL site, I will let you be the judge on how good it is.
- Nick.com - This site is from Nickelodeon and, as you might expect, it is filled with Nickelodeon characters. Everyone from Sponge Bob and iCarly to Rugrats and the Naked Brothers are represented with their own games and videos. If you like Nickelodeon channel, chances are you will like the site.
- Disney.com - Disney cannot be outdone for creativity, in my opinion. The games and videos are represented, all with the Disney characters, but there are a lot more interactive things to do on this site. My personal favorite is under the "create" tab, you can create mash ups.
- National Geographic for Kids - The fun way to learn and the best place for animal pictures.
- NASA - If you have a space nut in your house, this is a great site NASA made for kids.

This is a very short list of the many offerings for kids online. A good place to start looking for content for your kids is from their favorite activities, characters and toys. Do a search for the their favorite things and see what's out there. I would recommend you doing this search for the younger kids.

It is always a good idea to use tools like parental controls in conjunction with your help, especially when they start surfing on their own, but there is no tool that will parent better than you.

What are some of your young child's favorite web sites?

I recently came back from a conference with the Family Online Safety Institute. This was the third annual conference and each year I am impressed at how many people gather to work toward a common goal of online safety.

For example, there were people from the Girl Scouts, Attorneys General, the Chief Technology Officer from the White House, a Member of U.K.'s Parliament, representatives from all the major Internet companies, the non profit groups working toward online safety in many ways, child psychologists and pediatricians, and so many more.

I will be posting a lot about what I learned there, but one thing struck me and I had to share it. During one of the presentations, we were introduced to YouTube's Safety Center, including this video. I love the simple message and how it was done using keyboard characters.

Which safety campaigns have you loved in the past?

Getting new technology in your life generally means an "upgrade" from what you had before. If you get a new cell phone, it is probably going to come with a camera (whether or not you want one). Recently I had to replace my laptop and realized that in order to get the features I wanted, I had to get one with a web cam built in.

When I read this article saying that 1/3 of students in the UK aged 12 – 15 years old have a web cam in their bedrooms – this made sense to me. Assuming the technology is basically the same in the US vs. the UK, parents are getting their school aged students a laptop to do their homework and it is very likely going to include a web cam.

I am a long time supporter of having the computer in a common area of the home, not in a bedroom where the door can be closed. Admittedly, most teens are not going to do anything too terrible or talk to people they shouldn't using a web cam, but even fewer will if they have to do it with parents or siblings around (even if the family is just in sight and not close to the computer).

Now that our family has this new web cam, we got one for Grandma and Grandpa too. Every couple of weeks they can see their grandchild as she is growing up. I guess this forced technology isn't all bad – just unplanned.