There is a debate about how or if parents should use spyware on their kids' computer to find out what their kids are doing online. This is a debate between parents, but is not a legal debate. Apparently a high school in Philadelphia took this idea to another level.

A Pennsylvania school district is being investigated by the FBI for remotely activating the web cams on the laptops they issued to students. The school district says that they were wanting to track online behavior when the students were supposed to be doing homework. The parents of these students disagree, saying it was a clear privacy violation. It is still unknown how the FBI will find, but I would not at all be surprised to find this a question posed to either the state's or the U.S. Supreme Court.

What do you think? Privacy violation or good intentions communicated poorly?

After watching MTV's "When Privates Go Public", I was reminded of my own high school career. I didn't have the technology that is currently available, but I saw myself in the students that were featured. The girl was naive and thought her boyfriend would never betray her trust. I was reminded how my trust was betrayed by my first love. The second student was frustrated and did something without thinking. I was reminded that I am really glad that there isn't documentation of things I did without thinking when I was a teen. As I listened to their stories, I was touched not by their story as much as how easy it is happening to youth who you would never expect.

The two stories featured were a young girl who sent a topless picture of herself and a boy who forwarded a picture of his girlfriend from his cell phone. She ended up having her picture sent to everyone in not only her school, but other schools as well. He was convicted as a sex offender and is facing those consequences (including not being able to get a job or even live with his father because of the proximity to a school). Neither person was anyone I would think would even think of doing anything like this. Both described that 'they didn't think' anything bad would happen and certainly would never have done it had they thought about consequences. I could see myself in both of these young people.

The entire episode is available online. I re-encourage you to watch it with young people in your life. It is an important topic that might lead to helping them think about consequences.

Once you watch it, post your thoughts about the documentary in the comments. Do you see yourself, or your kids, in those featured?

You may know YouTube as the place you saw that funny video. Maybe you watch and share family movies uploaded to the site. But maybe you are like Cecilia King of the Washington Post who was watching "Dora the Explorer" videos with her daughter when she came across "Dora on Crack".

YouTube is a great tool to share videos of your own and to watch the latest viral videos making their way through office buildings across the country. The challenge is that sometimes there are videos that are NSFW (not safe for work).

Thankfully, YouTube recognizes that not all videos are appropriate for all ages and came up with a Safety Mode. Similar to AOL Safe Search (YouTube filtering videos, while AOL Search filters search results), when it is in use it will not surface videos that are not appropriate for either viewing at work or viewing by younger users. Safety Mode can be set each time you go to the site, or can be permanently set if you login to your account. Kudos to YouTube for making our family viewing (and office viewing) that much safer.

What other safety tools do you know of?

CommonSenseMedia.org put together a great list of parenting tips for cyberbullying that I want to share.

• -- Give them a code of conduct. Tell them that if they wouldn't say something to someone's face, they shouldn't text it, IM it, or post it.
• -- Ask your kids if they know someone who has been cyberbullied. Sometimes they will open up about others' pain before admitting their own.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

• -- Keep online socializing to a minimum. Let them use sites like Webkinz or Club Penguin where chat is pre-scripted or pre-screened.
• -- Explain the basics of correct cyber behavior. Tell your kids that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace.
• -- Tell kids not to share passwords with their friends.

Parent tips for middle school kids

• -- Monitor their use. See what they're posting, check their mobile messages.
• -- Tell your kids what to do if they're harassed. They shouldn't respond or retaliate, they should block bullies immediately, and they should tell you or an adult they trust. They shouldn't delete the messages because in persistent cases, the content should be reported to a cell or Internet Service Provider.
• -- If your kid is doing the bullying, establish strict consequences and stick to them. That goes for mean or sexual comments about teachers, friends, and relatives.
• -- Remind them that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends' walls, private IMs, intimate photos, little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around. If they don't want the world to see it, they better not post or send it.
• -- Don't start what you don't want to finish. Game chat can get ugly fast. Make sure your kids are respectful because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.

Parent tips for high school kids

• -- Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else.
• -- Remind them they aren't too old to ask for your help. There are things some kids can handle on their own, but sometimes, they just need help. Coming to their parents isn't baby-ish, it's safe.

All the advice I think is great, but I especially like the tips for older teens. When I was in high school (aka, the age that I "knew everything"), I may have hesitant to ask my parents advice. Being reminded by my parents that it was still OK to ask advice helped me.

What other advice would you give to parents regarding cyberbullying?

The PBS's series "Frontline" recently aired an episode called "Digital Nation". It talked about how much the current generation has transformed the world through technology. It was done by the same people who did Growing Up Online, so I was intrigued.

The program started by talking about how effective (or not) people are at multi-tasking. I was in full agreement. I kept thinking how crazy the people were who said "they can read email, pay attention to a lecture, and search the web at the same time." Then I had to laugh at myself. I was watching this documentary with my laptop open checking mail and starting to write this post.

After I put my laptop away and started paying closer attention to the message, I was really impressed with the information.

They said that there are two categories of people in the digital arena, digital natives and digital immigrants. Among the natives, there was a deep look at the possibility of Internet addiction and the observation that multi-tasking is rampant and unproductive, the social aspect (looking mainly into massively multi-player online role playing games such as World of Warcraft), and how this technology has transformed warfare.

Regarding which camp I fall into - I think I fall squarely into the immigrant category. I have worked very hard to learn about different kids of technology, but it is not easy for me. I often end up asking people (generally young people) who are natives for help. Do you think you fit into the digital native category, or the immigrant? If you are a native, do you share your knowledge? If you are an immigrant, do you seek to learn more? How?

It is playing on PBS periodically, so I'd recommend watching it. Check your local listings for when it will be on in your area.

"Kids will be kids."

"That's outrageous!"

"My child wouldn't do that"

These are things people say about the youth in America. The first is what people say when someone takes something small and makes a huge deal about it. The second is what people say when they hear of a teen doing something that they never thought would happen. The third is what parents might say when they are asked if their teen has ever done anything they wouldn't approve of.

We've been writing about Sexting for a while. As an attempt to stop it, some have been very heavy handed with penalties for sexting including being charged for trading child pornography. Some don't see it as that big of a deal.

As a part of MTV's 'A Thin Line' campaign to stop digital abuse, they are showing a documentary called "Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public". In their research, they site that 3 out of 10 young people have either sent or received nude "sext" messages and only 51% of them believe that their digital actions could come back to haunt them later.

It is being aired on MTV this Sunday. When I checked my local listings it is being shown again a few more times this week. I think it would be a great thing to watch the young people in your life. Do you think you will watch this?

The scene: A teen is working away on the family computer. The teen takes a little break to check her social networking site and finds something horrifying. A girl she had a fight with at school has gone on her profile and said some really mean things. The teen feels very bad and asks her parents' advice. What do you say?

All of the online safety experts have the same advice about how to keep our families safe online. There are a few variations, but the basics are always the same: Keep your personal information private, block people who aren't nice and don't open unknown files, and finally, report anything that upsets you.

It is not always easy for parents and teachers to clearly express these messages to kids and teens, especially when you either are upset. Click Clever Click Safe, from the UK Council for Child Internet Safety, has come up with a clear message we can all follow.


Zip It: Keep your personal stuff private and think about what you say and do online.
Block It: Block people who send you nasty messages and don't open unknown links and attachments.
Flag It: Report anything upsets you or if someone asks to meet you offline.

If you can remember to Zip It, Block It, Flag It, you can advise your teen to report the behavior to the provider, block the person who said the mean things. As a bonus, this takes only a matter of seconds and you have empowered your teen to stand up for herself without retaliating with more hurtful words.

Hopefully your teen will never encounter this type of harassment. But it is a good idea to talk to the kids and teens in your house. If they are old enough to go online, they should learn these simple things to help keep their time online enjoyable. What ways would you suggest to open the conversation with your kids and teens about online safety?

Common Sense Media recently posted a great article citing Norton's top 100 searches done by kids.

Of the top 100, I was not at all surprised by what was searched, but I have to admit that I was quite surprised how highly ranked some of the search terms were - especially 'sex' and 'porn'.

There are things you can do to help mitigate your child getting to search results that are not age appropriate. The article mentions several and AOL Parental Controls can also help.

This article made me think. Thankfully, my daughter isn't old enough for the computer, but I am not sure how I would react if I discovered she was searching on these terms. Now that you read their article - what (if anything) will you change about your online habits at home?

Hope Witsell was a seemingly average seventh grader. According to the St. Petersburg Times, she was a good student , loved the 'Twilight' series, and was vying for a boy's attention.

At the end of the school year, she sent a nude picture of herself to a boy she liked. Sadly, it found its way around not only her school, but another as well. The school officials found out and her parents found out. Her school suspended her for the first week of the following school year, and her parents grounded her for the summer. But the worst punishment came in the form of continued tormenting from other students. Eventually, she felt the only option was to end her life.

This kind of story is tragic, but can also serve as a conversation starter between teens and parents. Just asking teens what they think about the story and unintended consequences can be a good way to open the dialog on what might be a difficult discussion to have with teens.

How have you started conversations about sexting?

The Children's Online Privacy Protection Act requires prior parental permission before a company can collect any personally identifiable information online about a child 12-years-old or younger.

The law dictates what counts as "personally identifiable" and companies work within this law. There is a recent controversy about the collection of children's chat discussions through parental control software. I will note that not all parental control software collects this information. For example, AOL's Parental Controls does not track what a child says, only where they go and with whom they communicate with via AOL mail and AIM.

Assuming the risk of exposing personally identifiable information is gone, what are your thoughts about parental controls collecting information from chat to sell to advertisers?

The cell phone is the source of debate in many households. When is the right time to get a cell phone for your child/tween/teen?

One concern for parents is the potential of having very high cell phone bills; another is the risk of losing the phone. Once those are resolved in the minds of parents, there is the risk of behavior on the cell phone.

There are solutions to many of these problems, allowing for a little more peace of mind for parents.

AT&T offers a content blocker and a purchase blocker.

T-Mobile allows parents to set limits for messages, minutes and downloads. Once a limit is reached, they are no longer allowed to use the phone (except for those on the "always allow" list – ensuring parents can always be in contact).

Sprint has parental controls that include limited web access (restricting sites with mature content), blocking two way text messages, content purchase block, restricting of voice calls by phone number, turn on or off the ability to use the in-phone camera, and for an additional fee, you can use Sprint Family Locator, which locates the phone by GPS.

Verizon's parental controls are called "usage controls" and also offer usage allowances, time restrictions and blocked numbers. They also have trusted numbers, which allow for usage even after usage has been exceeded or it is out of time restrictions. They also break down the family locator fee separately from the parental controls. They do have a separate content filter for children, young teens and young adults that has no fee.

If your carrier doesn't have what you need, you can also check out companies who say their products will work with any carrier. Mobile Nanny, for example allows a parent to control how and when a cell phone is used. The company boasts about features blocking texting and call features by phone number, time restrictions, Internet or app blocking and even content monitoring. All this does come with a fee, but it may suit you better than alternatives.

These solutions offered by companies may put some minds at ease. There are still other questions about lost phones, etiquette regarding when to use the phone, or even if it is appropriate for your child or teen to have a phone.

When do you think is a good time to get a child a cell phone? What does it depend on?

An article I read recently points out some of the unwritten rules of Facebook status updates. Your status update should be something of interest, it suggests. "Interesting" means different things to different people.

In looking at my own Facebook page, here are some ways my contacts, or "friends" use Facebook status updates.

One friend updates to say where he is working for the day. (He works remotely some days, some days in one office, some days in another office.) His status serves as a notice to colleagues where he can be found.

Another friend constantly updates everything he does. Every day. All day. It is annoying.

* Tip: You can hide status updates from a specific person, but still be connected to them on Facebook. To do this, click on "Hide" and choose "Hide (friend's name)"

Some use their status updates to promote what they are working on. A new article published, a new song written, or an upcoming show.

Invitations to play games, join causes, etc. Some people love them. Some people hate them. Either way, if you are on Facebook, you probably have your fair share of invitations about various games and causes.

* Tip: You can hide each game, cause, etc. To do this, click on "hide" next to one of them and choose "Hide (name of game, etc.). You will still get updates from that friend, but will no longer see that game on your updates.

A few people I know quote movies or song lyrics to express how they feel that day.

Using tools to tie together several social networking tools, some people update their Facebook status and Twitter profile every time they post to their blog (a social networking trifecta). Some of the tool options to post to both at once are Tweet Deck and LifeStream.

Many people I know use Facebook to share pictures of their family. When there is a new picture posted, it normally shows up as a status update.

How do you use your Facebook or Twitter updates? What do you love or hate about them?

Switched.com recently had an article giving some good (and cheeky) advice about being friends with family members on social networking sites such as Facebook.

This has been talked about on the SafetyClicks Blog It speaks to a common theme – behave online as you would offline. Understand that privacy is not synonymous with social networking. And lastly – if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

What advice do you have regarding social networking, friending family members, and online behavior?

This article by Intelihealth gives some basic statistics about teens and texting:

* Nearly 80% of teenagers own cell phones, up 36% from 2005.
* The average age for getting a first cell phone is between 10 and 11; about 50% of kids 8 to 12 years old have one.
* Teens with cell phones average 2,272 texts per month (that works out to 75 per day), and only 203 calls.
* More than 40% say they can text blindfolded.

Advantages to teen texting:
- Most carriers have a relatively inexpensive "unlimited texting" plan.
- You don't have to listen to the squealing of "Oh My God!" Instead teens can quietly text "OMG!"
- Texting can be more convenient because the recipient doesn't have to be available to answer right away (i.e., "Mom, I'll be home at 4:00.")

Downsides of teens texting:
- There is a whole new language to be learned that might be hard for parents to pick up.
- While talking on the phone at dinner isn't as much of an issue, texting has replaced this habit.
- Texting sexually suggestive or hateful messages might seem "safer" than other avenues because there is no face or voice. (even though they can be forwarded)
- Texting while driving is very unsafe (even if you can text blindfolded) and illegal in most states.

Like anything else, there is a time and a place for texting. I got a cell phone with a keyboard so I could take advantage of the benefits without having to memorize which numbers have which letters on the phone. I have found it to be very convenient for quick communication to friends and family with non-timely messages. As long as there is a level of etiquette with texting, I think it is a great form of communication.

What do you think about texting? Do you love it? Hate it? Don't get it? Wonder how to get rid of it?

According to this article from examiner.com, the top five social networking sites (based on number of users) are:
MySpace (263 Million users)
Facebook (250 Million users)
Friendster (90 Million users)
Tagged (70 Million users)
Bebo ( 40 Million users)

Do you know all of these sites? Do your teens? Do they have profiles on any or all of them?

In the spirit of National Cyber Security Month, take some time to learn about the top social networking sites you don't already know about. Then talk about what you find with the whole family.

I've posted before about where education about online safety comes from, saying that it comes from all sources including schools, online, friends and parents. Here are some tips about discussing the topic of online safety with your kids.