There is a debate about how or if parents should use spyware on their kids' computer to find out what their kids are doing online. This is a debate between parents, but is not a legal debate. Apparently a high school in Philadelphia took this idea to another level.

A Pennsylvania school district is being investigated by the FBI for remotely activating the web cams on the laptops they issued to students. The school district says that they were wanting to track online behavior when the students were supposed to be doing homework. The parents of these students disagree, saying it was a clear privacy violation. It is still unknown how the FBI will find, but I would not at all be surprised to find this a question posed to either the state's or the U.S. Supreme Court.

What do you think? Privacy violation or good intentions communicated poorly?

After watching MTV's "When Privates Go Public", I was reminded of my own high school career. I didn't have the technology that is currently available, but I saw myself in the students that were featured. The girl was naive and thought her boyfriend would never betray her trust. I was reminded how my trust was betrayed by my first love. The second student was frustrated and did something without thinking. I was reminded that I am really glad that there isn't documentation of things I did without thinking when I was a teen. As I listened to their stories, I was touched not by their story as much as how easy it is happening to youth who you would never expect.

The two stories featured were a young girl who sent a topless picture of herself and a boy who forwarded a picture of his girlfriend from his cell phone. She ended up having her picture sent to everyone in not only her school, but other schools as well. He was convicted as a sex offender and is facing those consequences (including not being able to get a job or even live with his father because of the proximity to a school). Neither person was anyone I would think would even think of doing anything like this. Both described that 'they didn't think' anything bad would happen and certainly would never have done it had they thought about consequences. I could see myself in both of these young people.

The entire episode is available online. I re-encourage you to watch it with young people in your life. It is an important topic that might lead to helping them think about consequences.

Once you watch it, post your thoughts about the documentary in the comments. Do you see yourself, or your kids, in those featured?

We've been told that 3 in 10 teens have been involved in some type of naked texting. Of those, one in five report that they have passed the images along to someone else. Since these young people are primarily defined as minors, this makes a hot story for all kinds of venues.

In the last few months the topic of sexting seems like it is everywhere. We talk about it here on SafetyClicks a lot, but the same concerns we discuss are in the main stream as well. A recent episode of The Deep End, a new ABC show about a law firm, one of the clients was a teen facing charges distribution of child pornography for a picture taken of his girlfriend. The teen being charged with child pornography for sending a nude picture of their girl/boyfriend is not all that uncommon since the laws are not prepared for this kind of behavior.

If you want to watch the episode of 'The Deep End', you can watch the full episode online. On the show everything works out thanks to the savvy lawyers - do you think you would have the same luck?

What do you think about the topic of sexting showing up so much in pop culture?

You may know YouTube as the place you saw that funny video. Maybe you watch and share family movies uploaded to the site. But maybe you are like Cecilia King of the Washington Post who was watching "Dora the Explorer" videos with her daughter when she came across "Dora on Crack".

YouTube is a great tool to share videos of your own and to watch the latest viral videos making their way through office buildings across the country. The challenge is that sometimes there are videos that are NSFW (not safe for work).

Thankfully, YouTube recognizes that not all videos are appropriate for all ages and came up with a Safety Mode. Similar to AOL Safe Search (YouTube filtering videos, while AOL Search filters search results), when it is in use it will not surface videos that are not appropriate for either viewing at work or viewing by younger users. Safety Mode can be set each time you go to the site, or can be permanently set if you login to your account. Kudos to YouTube for making our family viewing (and office viewing) that much safer.

What other safety tools do you know of?

CommonSenseMedia.org put together a great list of parenting tips for cyberbullying that I want to share.

• -- Give them a code of conduct. Tell them that if they wouldn't say something to someone's face, they shouldn't text it, IM it, or post it.
• -- Ask your kids if they know someone who has been cyberbullied. Sometimes they will open up about others' pain before admitting their own.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

• -- Keep online socializing to a minimum. Let them use sites like Webkinz or Club Penguin where chat is pre-scripted or pre-screened.
• -- Explain the basics of correct cyber behavior. Tell your kids that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace.
• -- Tell kids not to share passwords with their friends.

Parent tips for middle school kids

• -- Monitor their use. See what they're posting, check their mobile messages.
• -- Tell your kids what to do if they're harassed. They shouldn't respond or retaliate, they should block bullies immediately, and they should tell you or an adult they trust. They shouldn't delete the messages because in persistent cases, the content should be reported to a cell or Internet Service Provider.
• -- If your kid is doing the bullying, establish strict consequences and stick to them. That goes for mean or sexual comments about teachers, friends, and relatives.
• -- Remind them that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends' walls, private IMs, intimate photos, little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around. If they don't want the world to see it, they better not post or send it.
• -- Don't start what you don't want to finish. Game chat can get ugly fast. Make sure your kids are respectful because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.

Parent tips for high school kids

• -- Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else.
• -- Remind them they aren't too old to ask for your help. There are things some kids can handle on their own, but sometimes, they just need help. Coming to their parents isn't baby-ish, it's safe.

All the advice I think is great, but I especially like the tips for older teens. When I was in high school (aka, the age that I "knew everything"), I may have hesitant to ask my parents advice. Being reminded by my parents that it was still OK to ask advice helped me.

What other advice would you give to parents regarding cyberbullying?

The PBS's series "Frontline" recently aired an episode called "Digital Nation". It talked about how much the current generation has transformed the world through technology. It was done by the same people who did Growing Up Online, so I was intrigued.

The program started by talking about how effective (or not) people are at multi-tasking. I was in full agreement. I kept thinking how crazy the people were who said "they can read email, pay attention to a lecture, and search the web at the same time." Then I had to laugh at myself. I was watching this documentary with my laptop open checking mail and starting to write this post.

After I put my laptop away and started paying closer attention to the message, I was really impressed with the information.

They said that there are two categories of people in the digital arena, digital natives and digital immigrants. Among the natives, there was a deep look at the possibility of Internet addiction and the observation that multi-tasking is rampant and unproductive, the social aspect (looking mainly into massively multi-player online role playing games such as World of Warcraft), and how this technology has transformed warfare.

Regarding which camp I fall into - I think I fall squarely into the immigrant category. I have worked very hard to learn about different kids of technology, but it is not easy for me. I often end up asking people (generally young people) who are natives for help. Do you think you fit into the digital native category, or the immigrant? If you are a native, do you share your knowledge? If you are an immigrant, do you seek to learn more? How?

It is playing on PBS periodically, so I'd recommend watching it. Check your local listings for when it will be on in your area.

"Kids will be kids."

"That's outrageous!"

"My child wouldn't do that"

These are things people say about the youth in America. The first is what people say when someone takes something small and makes a huge deal about it. The second is what people say when they hear of a teen doing something that they never thought would happen. The third is what parents might say when they are asked if their teen has ever done anything they wouldn't approve of.

We've been writing about Sexting for a while. As an attempt to stop it, some have been very heavy handed with penalties for sexting including being charged for trading child pornography. Some don't see it as that big of a deal.

As a part of MTV's 'A Thin Line' campaign to stop digital abuse, they are showing a documentary called "Sexting in America: When Privates Go Public". In their research, they site that 3 out of 10 young people have either sent or received nude "sext" messages and only 51% of them believe that their digital actions could come back to haunt them later.

It is being aired on MTV this Sunday. When I checked my local listings it is being shown again a few more times this week. I think it would be a great thing to watch the young people in your life. Do you think you will watch this?

The scene: A teen is working away on the family computer. The teen takes a little break to check her social networking site and finds something horrifying. A girl she had a fight with at school has gone on her profile and said some really mean things. The teen feels very bad and asks her parents' advice. What do you say?

All of the online safety experts have the same advice about how to keep our families safe online. There are a few variations, but the basics are always the same: Keep your personal information private, block people who aren't nice and don't open unknown files, and finally, report anything that upsets you.

It is not always easy for parents and teachers to clearly express these messages to kids and teens, especially when you either are upset. Click Clever Click Safe, from the UK Council for Child Internet Safety, has come up with a clear message we can all follow.


Zip It: Keep your personal stuff private and think about what you say and do online.
Block It: Block people who send you nasty messages and don't open unknown links and attachments.
Flag It: Report anything upsets you or if someone asks to meet you offline.

If you can remember to Zip It, Block It, Flag It, you can advise your teen to report the behavior to the provider, block the person who said the mean things. As a bonus, this takes only a matter of seconds and you have empowered your teen to stand up for herself without retaliating with more hurtful words.

Hopefully your teen will never encounter this type of harassment. But it is a good idea to talk to the kids and teens in your house. If they are old enough to go online, they should learn these simple things to help keep their time online enjoyable. What ways would you suggest to open the conversation with your kids and teens about online safety?

I remember when Adam Walsh was abducted. I felt the fear of all the parents around me and it really made an impression. What made an even bigger impression on me is how his father, John Walsh, reacted. He took every parent's worst fear and turned it into an organization to help all the parents whose worst fears have been realized. He paved the path to legislative changes to help missing children and his non-profit merged with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, where he is still on the board of directors.

While the Walsh family has my highest respect, the worst part about his story is that the services are needed. I hope that you will never have a need for these services. If I am wishing for things, I would wish that there was not a need for their services. Since there is a need – I am proud that AOL has been partnering with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in many ways for more than 10 years.

Two services available on AOL that can help locate missing kids are:

Alerts: You can sign up to be alerted when an AMBER Alert is sent in the zip code of your choosing. These alerts notify you of a missing child in the area, so you can watch for them. As you know, the missing piece of information can come from anywhere. Alerts can come via e-mail, text message to your cell phone or via Instant Message.

Updated Notifications: You can include a widget for local missing children in your area by going to your local MapQuest page. If you can provide any information about any missing child, you can call the toll-free number 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678).

The National Center's web site is full of information about protecting kids. I encourage you to check it out.

Common Sense Media recently posted a great article citing Norton's top 100 searches done by kids.

Of the top 100, I was not at all surprised by what was searched, but I have to admit that I was quite surprised how highly ranked some of the search terms were - especially 'sex' and 'porn'.

There are things you can do to help mitigate your child getting to search results that are not age appropriate. The article mentions several and AOL Parental Controls can also help.

This article made me think. Thankfully, my daughter isn't old enough for the computer, but I am not sure how I would react if I discovered she was searching on these terms. Now that you read their article - what (if anything) will you change about your online habits at home?

I read on InfoWorld that there may be a new hacking target for 2010.

Viruses are spread through programs and platforms that are most commonly used because of the law of numbers. Cybercriminals know that the more chances you have to spread the virus, the higher the impact it will have. So they attack things that "everyone" uses. This is a big reason why Windows PC's have a higher rate of viruses over the Mac. Does this mean you should toss your PC? Not at all! It does mean that we should take everything said online with an extra grain of salt.

McAfee, a popular antivirus software company, said: "Cybercriminals have long picked on Microsoft products due to their popularity. In 2010, we anticipate Adobe software, especially Acrobat Reader and Flash, will take the top spot." in its report (PDF).

Many of the apps and games found on social networking sites are created using Flash. The popularity of those apps and games combined with the popularity of social networking sites makes it a perfect place to target, if you were a hacker.

How can you protect yourself?

• -- Make sure your virus software is up to date. Most software that is available has regular updates available from the company's website. All of the virus protection software that I am familiar with has an option to automatically update the software every time there is an update. I like this option - takes out an extra step for me to do. If you think you may have downloaded a virus, run a virus scan.
• -- Don't trust everything you read online - even if it looks like it is from your friend. If you get a random request from a friend asking to do something unusual on your profile (or email, or anywhere else), question your friend. It is possible your friend's profile was compromised and the hacker sent the request (in hopes you will help further disburse the virus they are spreading)
• -- Report things that are viruses or you think might be a virus. Most social networking sites have a way to report violations. The companies normally work to get the viruses added to virus databases which, in turn, protect future people from that virus.
• -- Many companies offer similar things, but AOL does have a good product suite for safety and security, including free parental controls, free spam control, and free to paying members and discounted to everyone else, there is McAffee security suite.

What are some other tips you have for preventing a virus on your computer?

If you are anything like me, you are still wondering what that great gift will be for SOMEONE on your list. For me, it is my nephews and niece. I try to continue my title as "cool Aunt Francis" because they are the ONLY people who think I am cool - can't ruin it now.

I want to get them a great game for their gaming system, but have to make sure that I keep my sister in mind when picking out the coolest game ever... it has to be fun for the young teen and appropriate for the 8-year-old. I have looked at reviews, asked other parents, but when I finally made my choice, I checked two sites. The first was ESRB.org. This site has all the games listed, the ratings and why it was rated that way. The second site I check is www.CommonSenseMedia.org. This site gives parental reviews of each game (as well as movies and TV) . regardless of the rating given by ESRB. It shares what parents think it should be rated and also gives parental reviews.

I picked out my game for the kiddos. I have my fingers crossed that I wills till be "Cool Aunt Francis". At least I know I won't be "bad sister Francis".

Hope Witsell was a seemingly average seventh grader. According to the St. Petersburg Times, she was a good student , loved the 'Twilight' series, and was vying for a boy's attention.

At the end of the school year, she sent a nude picture of herself to a boy she liked. Sadly, it found its way around not only her school, but another as well. The school officials found out and her parents found out. Her school suspended her for the first week of the following school year, and her parents grounded her for the summer. But the worst punishment came in the form of continued tormenting from other students. Eventually, she felt the only option was to end her life.

This kind of story is tragic, but can also serve as a conversation starter between teens and parents. Just asking teens what they think about the story and unintended consequences can be a good way to open the dialog on what might be a difficult discussion to have with teens.

How have you started conversations about sexting?

The Children's Online Privacy Protection Act requires prior parental permission before a company can collect any personally identifiable information online about a child 12-years-old or younger.

The law dictates what counts as "personally identifiable" and companies work within this law. There is a recent controversy about the collection of children's chat discussions through parental control software. I will note that not all parental control software collects this information. For example, AOL's Parental Controls does not track what a child says, only where they go and with whom they communicate with via AOL mail and AIM.

Assuming the risk of exposing personally identifiable information is gone, what are your thoughts about parental controls collecting information from chat to sell to advertisers?

The cell phone is the source of debate in many households. When is the right time to get a cell phone for your child/tween/teen?

One concern for parents is the potential of having very high cell phone bills; another is the risk of losing the phone. Once those are resolved in the minds of parents, there is the risk of behavior on the cell phone.

There are solutions to many of these problems, allowing for a little more peace of mind for parents.

AT&T offers a content blocker and a purchase blocker.

T-Mobile allows parents to set limits for messages, minutes and downloads. Once a limit is reached, they are no longer allowed to use the phone (except for those on the "always allow" list – ensuring parents can always be in contact).

Sprint has parental controls that include limited web access (restricting sites with mature content), blocking two way text messages, content purchase block, restricting of voice calls by phone number, turn on or off the ability to use the in-phone camera, and for an additional fee, you can use Sprint Family Locator, which locates the phone by GPS.

Verizon's parental controls are called "usage controls" and also offer usage allowances, time restrictions and blocked numbers. They also have trusted numbers, which allow for usage even after usage has been exceeded or it is out of time restrictions. They also break down the family locator fee separately from the parental controls. They do have a separate content filter for children, young teens and young adults that has no fee.

If your carrier doesn't have what you need, you can also check out companies who say their products will work with any carrier. Mobile Nanny, for example allows a parent to control how and when a cell phone is used. The company boasts about features blocking texting and call features by phone number, time restrictions, Internet or app blocking and even content monitoring. All this does come with a fee, but it may suit you better than alternatives.

These solutions offered by companies may put some minds at ease. There are still other questions about lost phones, etiquette regarding when to use the phone, or even if it is appropriate for your child or teen to have a phone.

When do you think is a good time to get a child a cell phone? What does it depend on?