In the following Today Show segment, Donna Rice Hughes, President of Enough is Enough, and Michelle Borba, Educational Psychologist, discuss Internet safety with Matt Lauer. The question posed is, "Should parents snoop on their children with spyware or use an open monitoring/filtering solution?" Parents have mixed reactions to the use of spyware with some believing that it is a necessary tool to help keep their child safe online, while others believe it's a violation of privacy and there are other alternatives to keep tabs on their child such as "friending" them on social networking sites. There isn't a wrong answer - it really comes down to parenting style and family norms as to what protective measure parents put in place. The most important point is for parents to put measures in place - it takes, as Donna says during the segment, "rules and tools." Parents need to set the rules regarding expectations of online behavior, including consequences of violating those rules, and use tools to help monitor their child's online activities.

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Wouldn't it be nice if your kid or teen always checked with you before they went online or tried to visit a questionable website? Even better would be if you were able to control the types of sites they could visit on the vast World Wide Web! The reality, sadly true, is that the Internet makes it so easy for kids to browse freely and access sites with content that may or may not be appropriate for them. Besides, our lives (which gets busier every day) make it more and more difficult for us to constantly watch over where our kids are going online. As moms, we want to trust our kids online, but it's even better if we can use tools to help use keep the bad influences at bay.


The AOL Safety Toolbar is an alternative to traditional heavy parental controls PC software. It's a light-weight web filtering toolbar that filters inappropriate content and provides built-in "family-friendly" search results. This free toolbar is designed for parents who want to safeguard and monitor their children's Internet browsing and works with both Internet Explorer and Firefox.

We are half way through 2010 and solidly into summer vacation. How are the settings on all the parental control devices you use working for your family? Strange question for July? Maybe - but as our children grow, their needs change. Your parental control settings you have on the computer might still make sense, but they might not. Instead of waiting for the end of the year or for birthdays to modify the settings, take the time to check now without the hustle and bustle of the holidays taking all of your time.

Look at the parental controls on the computer. Do the settings make sense for each user of the computer. You can normally have logins for each user of the computer. That way you don't have to have the same restricted settings as your 8-year-old son, and you can allow your teen more freedom.

Is your gaming system connected to the internet? If so, make sure the parental control settings make sense for each person who plays.

Most cell phones can both take pictures and connect to the internet. Luckily, most cell phone companies also have some level of parental controls on them. Like computer parental controls, the settings for cell phones will also change over time. Maybe the setting you wanted to use last time wasn't there, but it is now? Maybe it is time to allow more freedom than you had before?

Each child is different and every family is certainly different. There will never been a technical solution that is better than parenting. But sometimes parents need technical help with parenting situations. Enough.org has a check list of Rules 'N Tools that you can use to help in the decisions for you family.

A recent question to a parents group I am a part of asked how to control time spent on both the TV and the video game system. While many suggested various parenting techniques, there were some technology answers posted as well.

- The Time Machine Children's Time Management System
- Time's Up! TV and Gaming Time Limiting Device

I have not used, nor can I endorse these items, but I am intrigued by them. Have you ever seen something like this in use? What do you think of them?

Here are 10 tips to help you surf the Web safely. Share any other tips you have in the comments.

10 - Who Wants To Know? When you are registering with web sites that ask for information that you don't think it makes sense for them to have, double check it how that informaiton could be used. For example, most of the time when you are commenting, or interacting in some way, it is normal for a site to ask for your email address. But if you are not buying anything, it is not normal to ask for payment information.

9 - Who Are You? It is important to not lie about your identity, but also not reveal too much. It is OK to tell your real first name and age. It is normally OK to share your home state. It is a bad idea to give your address, phone number, or any personally identifiable information to people you don't know in real life.

8 - Sticks and Stones: I have been called many names, by many people - some not so flattering. Many times the best way to stop a bully is to ignore them. Reputable communication tools have the ability to block or ignore users including AOL's Instant Messenger (AIM) and e-mail systems, Facebook, Bebo, MySpace and Twitter. Use them. Love them. It can help save your sanity.

7 - Just Say No: Kids should be taught to get an adult whenever they see something online that makes them uncomfortable. Whatever makes you uncomfortable should be reported, then you blocked so that person cannot contact you again.

The FTC has a vested interest in making sure that we are all safe online. They would like for us to be savvy consumers. Savvy consumers don't always know every answer, but they at least know the questions to ask. What better way for the FTC to make you a savvy consumer than to provide the education themselves. And they did: FTC.gov/YouAreHere.

You Are Here is a campaign showing kids and teens how to be smarter consumers. Questions such as how to comparison shop, how to tell if a deal is too good to be true, and even how to protect your identity.

I love that the information is clear and age appropriate, but still covers everything you'd need to know. Although the site isn't 100% specific to online safety, it does cover identity protection, how to identify a scam and how to protect your privacy. Take a look at the site and share it with kids. Come back here and tell us what you think about it.

We've been told that 3 in 10 teens have been involved in some type of naked texting. Of those, one in five report that they have passed the images along to someone else. Since these young people are primarily defined as minors, this makes a hot story for all kinds of venues.

In the last few months the topic of sexting seems like it is everywhere. We talk about it here on SafetyClicks a lot, but the same concerns we discuss are in the main stream as well. A recent episode of The Deep End, a new ABC show about a law firm, one of the clients was a teen facing charges distribution of child pornography for a picture taken of his girlfriend. The teen being charged with child pornography for sending a nude picture of their girl/boyfriend is not all that uncommon since the laws are not prepared for this kind of behavior.

If you want to watch the episode of 'The Deep End', you can watch the full episode online. On the show everything works out thanks to the savvy lawyers - do you think you would have the same luck?

What do you think about the topic of sexting showing up so much in pop culture?

You may know YouTube as the place you saw that funny video. Maybe you watch and share family movies uploaded to the site. But maybe you are like Cecilia King of the Washington Post who was watching "Dora the Explorer" videos with her daughter when she came across "Dora on Crack".

YouTube is a great tool to share videos of your own and to watch the latest viral videos making their way through office buildings across the country. The challenge is that sometimes there are videos that are NSFW (not safe for work).

Thankfully, YouTube recognizes that not all videos are appropriate for all ages and came up with a Safety Mode. Similar to AOL Safe Search (YouTube filtering videos, while AOL Search filters search results), when it is in use it will not surface videos that are not appropriate for either viewing at work or viewing by younger users. Safety Mode can be set each time you go to the site, or can be permanently set if you login to your account. Kudos to YouTube for making our family viewing (and office viewing) that much safer.

What other safety tools do you know of?

The PBS's series "Frontline" recently aired an episode called "Digital Nation". It talked about how much the current generation has transformed the world through technology. It was done by the same people who did Growing Up Online, so I was intrigued.

The program started by talking about how effective (or not) people are at multi-tasking. I was in full agreement. I kept thinking how crazy the people were who said "they can read email, pay attention to a lecture, and search the web at the same time." Then I had to laugh at myself. I was watching this documentary with my laptop open checking mail and starting to write this post.

After I put my laptop away and started paying closer attention to the message, I was really impressed with the information.

They said that there are two categories of people in the digital arena, digital natives and digital immigrants. Among the natives, there was a deep look at the possibility of Internet addiction and the observation that multi-tasking is rampant and unproductive, the social aspect (looking mainly into massively multi-player online role playing games such as World of Warcraft), and how this technology has transformed warfare.

Regarding which camp I fall into - I think I fall squarely into the immigrant category. I have worked very hard to learn about different kids of technology, but it is not easy for me. I often end up asking people (generally young people) who are natives for help. Do you think you fit into the digital native category, or the immigrant? If you are a native, do you share your knowledge? If you are an immigrant, do you seek to learn more? How?

It is playing on PBS periodically, so I'd recommend watching it. Check your local listings for when it will be on in your area.

The scene: A teen is working away on the family computer. The teen takes a little break to check her social networking site and finds something horrifying. A girl she had a fight with at school has gone on her profile and said some really mean things. The teen feels very bad and asks her parents' advice. What do you say?

All of the online safety experts have the same advice about how to keep our families safe online. There are a few variations, but the basics are always the same: Keep your personal information private, block people who aren't nice and don't open unknown files, and finally, report anything that upsets you.

It is not always easy for parents and teachers to clearly express these messages to kids and teens, especially when you either are upset. Click Clever Click Safe, from the UK Council for Child Internet Safety, has come up with a clear message we can all follow.


Zip It: Keep your personal stuff private and think about what you say and do online.
Block It: Block people who send you nasty messages and don't open unknown links and attachments.
Flag It: Report anything upsets you or if someone asks to meet you offline.

If you can remember to Zip It, Block It, Flag It, you can advise your teen to report the behavior to the provider, block the person who said the mean things. As a bonus, this takes only a matter of seconds and you have empowered your teen to stand up for herself without retaliating with more hurtful words.

Hopefully your teen will never encounter this type of harassment. But it is a good idea to talk to the kids and teens in your house. If they are old enough to go online, they should learn these simple things to help keep their time online enjoyable. What ways would you suggest to open the conversation with your kids and teens about online safety?

For Safer Internet Day, Canada is marking the occasion with a campaign by The Canadian Centre for Child Protection called The Door That's Not Locked.

One of the disconnects between kids and adults is that kids are being raised with the technology, so it is simply part of their world. Many adults have begun to use technology regularly, but in many cases there is a definitive line between online and offline. The youth are flowing easily between on and offline and in many ways, there is no difference. They are just two sides of the same coin.

The Door That's Not Locked campaign addresses the incorrect perception of some adults that the door is closed to knowing how to protect their kids because they need to know more about the tool than their kids to keep them safe. This comprehensive site is designed to educate teachers and parents with age specific tips and information, regardless of where the starting point is.

Do you feel like you know how to protect your kids and teens online?

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A mom that I know (who will remain anonymous) is one whom I often think of when I am writing this blog. She is a mom of three great kids - an 8-year-old, 10-year-old and a 14-year-old. She uses email, but only under duress. She uses the Internet for research about several things, but only reads articles - never posts anything or uploads pictures because she feels like it will be too hard or she will sound silly. Her kids all want to get online and do various age appropriate things. I am the one who gets a call with a question how to protect the kids from the "bad things". She is pretty savvy with the parental controls on other gadgets like the TV and game systems, but feels intimidated by the same things online. She is also my source for questions about my daughter, so we trade information.

Then, at the FOSI conference, I heard this startling figure: of the top 100 apps on the iPhone, 35% are geared toward toddlers and preschoolers, and 12% to elementary aged kids. I'm assuming they were purchased by the parents who are giving their kids a game to play with while they at the store, on a plane, waiting at the doctor's office, etc.. The person doing this seems like the polar opposite of the mom I first described. Are these parents this tech savvy to use the all of these gadgets and gizmos? Or are they the same parents, but have discovered a way to make the Internet part of their everyday world?

A not so scientific survey I heard about at the conference said that parents who don't use parental controls on their computer don't because they:
- don't feel they need to because the child knows more about computers than they do
- feel "that wouldn't happen to my child" when talking about being exposed to mature content
- are intimidated by the computer

I have a theory that the same parents that use technology to their advantage are the same parents who say they "can't"... they just don't realize they already are tech savvy.

What technology do you use in your life?

This holiday season, there are many products hoping to catch the attention of the kids. If the kids love and desire the new gadgets and gizmos, they are sure to appear on wish lists. It is not all that surprising to see that computer manufacturers have come up with lower cost laptops geared directly at kids. This article is not intended to be a review of any of the computers, as I have not played with any of them. Instead, I am amazed at what technology is available for kids.

Many of the children's laptops don't connect to the Internet, like this one from Barbie. It is designed with girls in mind, having the Barbie packaging, but it is similar to a real laptop in how it works, regarding games and how you play them.

This one from VTech is more gender neutral. It is more "laptop like" in that it has educational games preloaded and Mom or Dad can help download new games from the Internet when your child is ready for them.

Even babies and toddlers have them. My daughter (who is not quite a year old) got a toy laptop as a gift. It just looks like a laptop, and has numbers, letters and colors. If children have toys like this at such a young age, is it any wonder that they want to get on the real computer at younger and younger ages?

What are your thoughts about computers being introduced to kids at such a young age?

If you are anything like me, you are still wondering what that great gift will be for SOMEONE on your list. For me, it is my nephews and niece. I try to continue my title as "cool Aunt Francis" because they are the ONLY people who think I am cool - can't ruin it now.

I want to get them a great game for their gaming system, but have to make sure that I keep my sister in mind when picking out the coolest game ever... it has to be fun for the young teen and appropriate for the 8-year-old. I have looked at reviews, asked other parents, but when I finally made my choice, I checked two sites. The first was ESRB.org. This site has all the games listed, the ratings and why it was rated that way. The second site I check is www.CommonSenseMedia.org. This site gives parental reviews of each game (as well as movies and TV) . regardless of the rating given by ESRB. It shares what parents think it should be rated and also gives parental reviews.

I picked out my game for the kiddos. I have my fingers crossed that I wills till be "Cool Aunt Francis". At least I know I won't be "bad sister Francis".